I do hope you've been enjoying it My Lady.
I've felt particularly uncreative all day to day. About the most creative thought I've had today was when I strongly considered naming my new computer Shannon Wilson Bell (let's build a computer, we'll make him our best friend). It was also a very, very sick thought, but at least it was creative.
I've just been sort of blah all day, and I realized that each day of my life is worse than the previous day (yes, much like in Office Space) because even if things aren't worse than they were the day before, my patience with things is less than it was, or it wears on me more than it did previously. With three possible chances for each successive day to be worse than the one before it, it seems to work out that way just fine.
Even my brother thought I would quit my job after I got my computer built. My hatred for this entire routine is apparently more obvious than I'd suspected. At least to my brother anyway.
Plus, I think work is actually making me lazier, or at least, I'm getting lazier naturally and work is doing nothing to interfere with that. In fact, all it does is add tiredness to my laziness.
So. the real problem is the same problem I've had from the very beginning (if your read far enough back into my diary you'll see I've complained about it before), I have absolutely no motivation whatsoever. I have this job because it required almost no effort on my part to get it. I haven't quit yet, cause, while I hate it there, that really isn't motivation for me, so I have no motivation to leave. This whole lack of motivation thing is causing me serious problems.
Which you think would be motivation enough to do something about it, but this obviously isn't the case.
Of course, the problem with needing some form of motivation is not knowing what exactly would motivate me. I mean, so far money, power, discomfort, pain, hatred, depression, exhaustion and a burning need to destroy my fellow man have all failed to provide any sense of motivation.
Probably, this is my underlying problem, and if I get this fixed, then everything will just fall into place for me.
Then again, I change so swiftly and so often, it probably won't matter in a day or so.
Also, it's important to remember that there is a difference between impossible and NP complete (but that has nothing to do with anything else in this entry).
recent...
2001-09-10 - Go nowhere.
2001-09-10 - Quantum Causality
2001-09-07 - I'm of two many minds.
2001-09-05 - Nakita'dai
2001-09-05 - Stupid work.
Step Back ---/// Take a Step ///--- End of the Path