Before that portion of the diary gets underway though, I'd just like to say, addresses, people, addresses. I mean, I'd love to send you presents, but having nowhere to send them to puts a serious damper on things. I mean, I can send them to random addresses and hope you get them, but I'm just not that hopeful a person.
And apparently, women really like presents. And now I get to figure out what to get them :) It's fun being evil and nice simultaneously.
I need more music but my mind blanks. Oh well, I have all the time in the world. Every single bit. It's all mine, but if you're nice to me, I'll let you borrow some.
Around them everything was the same. To everyone outside, everything was the same. She was still a robotic dancer, he still a little boy nervous about his first school dance.
Inside, everything was different. She no longer wore the elegant, frilled dress, but a sleek sultry wrap. And his best uncomfortable suit had become a tuxedo, fitted like a glove. And they danced a vicious tango to the beat of the waltz that played.
They spoke no words, unable to, caught as they were in The Dance. But they needed no words. No matter how close or how far they were from each other, their eyes remained locked, their spirits reaching out, bound immortally, forever riven.
The dance ended, the music stopped, her robotic body leaned into his embrace with impossible flexibility. "Goodbye," he said, the only word he was allowed. End Program.
"He is my master, and I adore him.
"More than that, I love it here. I am not just the librarian, or curator, or caretaker of his archives. I know every object stored within, can find it without looking, can feel what is missing. He has a greater collection than any I have ever seen. Not the largest, but it excludes nothing. He has books and objects that exist nowhere else, and all of it is open to me. It belongs to him, but so do I. And I have access to it all, to him as well. And I can read it all, Russian, Pakistani, Japanese, Swahili. I've read more books than he has himself, and it always pleases him when I display some bit of useful knowledge, answer a question he's asked, or better yet, pose a question prompting him to think. And it is good to please him."
"I bet it is."
"No, you don't understand. When he's pleased with you, he rewards you. Not like payment or reward for a job well done, although their are presents and rewards. But he genuinely appreciates you. We all know that we are little more than toys and tools to him, that he doesn't really love any of us, and yet, when he's pleased with you, it doesn't matter. His appreciation and joy is enveloping.
"But something you must know. When you displease him, it is best to make it something minor. It is very bad to displease him. He punishes us when he is displeased, and while, to an extent the punishment is based on the seriousness of the crime, it is more based upon his mood at the time, his perception of your actions, how you present yourself, and his need for amusement. Whatever you do, do not question his superiority over you. You run the risk of severe punishment."
"I can't tell if you love him or fear him."
"Both. I adore him. With all he has given me, there is nothing he could ever do to me that would turn me against him, but.... When I first came here I...transgressed. My master punished me and...and.... Suffice to say I have not had a single nightmare since. Nothing I could come up with could even compare. After it was done, he left me, he was angry and was in no mood to comfort me...."
"Comfort you! He'd just torture'd you!"
"Doesn't matter. He takes care of us. You'll come to understand in your time here, as you film. He is mercurial and unstable, and will hold you as quickly as hurt you.
"Still, some of the others comforted me, told me I was lucky that I had only suffered a mild punishment. That it could have been worse.
"I don't know how it could have been worse, and I don't want to. But whatever I must suffer, I will. He has made an eternity of knowledge and experience open to me, and any harm he could ever bring me pales in comparison."
Lauratha stood ready at the setting sun. As night came she could feel the power within her beginning to awaken, a power that had been growing over the past days, and tonight, and for three nights hence, would be at it's strongest.
Tonight, the night of the new moon, the dark moon, when the rule was passed to those women who had the moon power of the dark moon. And for this cycle she would lead. For the next sixteen nights she would be the land's supreme power of law, and the coming ritual would keep her magic as strong as possible for the entire cycle.
The dark moon began to rise, and across from her Salis began to disrobe. She used her hands, a shadowed movement in the starry darkness, her customary glow gone. Her power was of the light moon, and at this time, for these four days, she was powerless. She stripped herself of everything, all her jewelry, all the trappings of power and station, and as the pure white silkiness of her underwear touched the ground, Lauratha's power was already reaching out, lifting the pure black clothing around her, dressing herself with the power of her magic. Soon she was fully clothed in her station, her very skin emanating the shadow of darkness, a shadow that would engulf her until the time of the full moon when her power would be as dead as her predecessor's was now.
She did not dwell on this, she did not have time. There were affairs of state to deal with. Salis had already slipped into a simple white robe, and follwed her from the ceremonial chamber in the Tower of Moon's Caress. For the next sixteen days she would serve as Lauratha's advisor, would let her know everything that was already in progress and what she thought should occur next, so that the change was smooth and society's flow would remain steady.
It was time to make some changes.
::kcheenf:: Mara's sneezing was beginning to get out of hand. It was her job, but she was getting tired of it. Trolling through these books of Grand Writ, learning all the old words so her King would appear knowledgable. Gah, as if it were that important that he knew all these old words. He was a good King, he knew politics and industry and people. What more was there for a King to know.
Apparently everything. Mara was a scholar, top of her class in all the classics, the new sciences, magical theory, everything, and she had been rewarded with this job. A cushy palace job, her duty to know things for the King so he would always have any information he needed handy.
She had taken it thinking it would be easy, and it paid well. And, of course, she got to live in the palace, which meant she had plenty of space, didn't have to clean her own rooms or clothes, or cook for herself. All she had to do was read and study.
Not that she didn't quite enjoy reading and studying, mind, but it was all she ever did anymore. She needed a vacation, a break. But King's didn't take vacations, and that meant the Royal Scholar did not take vacations either.
Mara sighed. Next thing she knew she was crumpled on a floor in a ball, a burning pain in her belly, trying to recover from the violent bout of sneezing without breathing in any more dust.
'That's it!' she thought. She was taking a vacation. She was going to leave, get out of here, take a break, or just bloody well quit!
But how? She didn't make the mistake of sighing again, not until she was out of the archives and heading towards her room, bag of books in tow. What law, what precedent could she possibly call upon that would get her out of this, even for a little while.
Of course, the answer was obvious, and it was the only one, wasn't it? The bit of Grand Writ everyone knew, the highest law, something not even a King could deny. The simple, absolute, ultimate decision.
She could claim she was searching for her nakita'dai.
Not that she could lie about it. It would be sacriligious. Worse than that, it would be a betrayal of everything she was. But why should she lie? That would be a perfect vacation, a search for a dream, for happiness. After all, she deserved a chance at her Truest as much as anyone.
And who knew, perhaps she would find him. It would be so wonderful, to be together again. She had seen nakita'dai before, those lucky couples, and it would be beyond bliss to have that for herself.
Mara daydreamed herself back to her room, the old tomes forgotten, lost in a haze of love and happiness and the perfect world.
Until she tripped over the dinner cart lying outside her door.
ARGH! Even if she didn't find him, at least she would get away from this place!
He could feel her, touching him, stroking him, hear her soft, soothing words. Could feel her trying to get within the shell of his skin, to open him to her, to touch his heart and his soul.
He fought her. Fought her with savagery. Fought her with fear. Fought her with anger. Fought her with tears. His very flesh crawled, pulling back from her, threatening to abandon his bones, bathing her in his revulsion.
Her tears bathed his back, her heartbeat pounded into him, bruising in it's intensity.
He pulled tighter into himself, afraid to peer out. Everything black and white, blinded by her brilliance, struck by her light.
And she was gone, and he was alone, and he was alone, and he was alone.
They clung to each other, shivering in hope. A human and elf, different as night and day, each carrying a half-breed child, one born of love, one born of rape, their fathers dead, their world's finest symbol of peace.
They clung to each other, hands tightly clasped, holding their world together.
"All you have to do Serra, is take my hand."
All she had to do was take his hand. Join him, and they could rule the universe together. Destroy him with the last of her energy, taking herself with him, and seal the fate of all, setting armageddon back upon it's course. Or fight him, pull him to her and fight him to the bitter end, a forsaken, hopeless battle that would leave her dead, but him to weak too rule, and forever at the mercy of all that he had betrayed, condemning him utterly, and damning herself.
All she had to do was take his hand.
She reached out....
"Don't you understand Chaldis. All this time you have been searching, all this time you have been hoping, and she has played you for a fool. You mean nothing to her. You are no more to her than any man."
"No Chaldis. I have watched you all this time. I have Loved you all this time. It is my nature. Yes, I Love everyone. That too is my nature. None has ever searched Me out before. None has ever been so dedicated to Me. I would be with you all if I could. I would be with you, if you chose."
"You see, you fool! She begs for her life. She is nothing but a cheap whore, selling herself to the highest bidder. This is what you would worship! This is what you would give so much for! All your effort to find her has been wasted unless you kill her!!"
"I Love you Chaldis, absolutely, completely, perfectly. I can do nothing else. I would take you as my consort, I would be with you, I would replace the love that you lost, but I cannot choose for you. I will abide by whatever choice you make."
"Yes, choose Chaldis! Or be forever damned a fool!"
"You betrayed me Peter."
"Not by choice my mistress."
"Your shadow has been at your side all this time. You could have come back at any time, but you fought."
"Yes my mistress."
"And now you have come to kill me?"
"...Mistress."
"Ah, not so cavalier about my death. Perhaps you simply want to defeat me? To humilate and possess me?
"Oh don't bother answering. You really think you can hide anything from me? I made you what you are, I helped to awaken the shadow within you, your shadow self. I helped you come to terms with your reality. Do you really think you can beat me?"
"I must my mistress."
"And you will use your shadow to do it? You will call upon it's power to fight me. Do you not fear it will overwhelm you? You must know that you have grown weaker fighting against it, and each use weakens you further. You loved me once Peter, your Shadow must love me still. Are you very sure it will fight? Do you have any hope of winning at all?"
"None whatsoever mistress, but I will kill you nonetheless."
::cue battle music, fade screen::
All words, ideas, concepts and expressions preceeding copyright Chris with dates ranging from May 1997 to July 2002 (yes, I just made some of these up).
recent...
2002-07-17 - Excerpts.
2002-07-16 - Where be stuff!?
2002-07-14 - Missed again.
2002-07-14 - Kingdoms & species.
2002-07-14 - Origins et al.
Step Back ---/// Take a Step ///--- End of the Path