But apparently I'm going to do it again.

I think that's it. Determination. I'm determined that my diary will have somethig in it, that it will be of a certain length, and so I keep pulling shit out of my ass until there's enough of it here.

Hey, I can tell you about asses and pockets, and what they have in common.

You see, pockets are one of the greatest inventions of mankind, and I'll explain why.

Stuff exists. There has always been stuff. Don't believe me? Look up stuff in the dictionary.

So as I said, there has always been stuff. And there are different types and classes of stuff. Eventually, as humans evolved, it got to the point where they decided they needed to carry stuff. At first it was simple. I mean, we've got hands, so we'd carry stuff in our hands. But we eventually got around to having more stuff than we could fit in our hands. So we tried our mouths. Which is fine, except when 'stuff' includes sticks, rocks, grasses, plants and raw meat. No one wants all that in their mouth. So we considered our feet, but when you're running from cats that outweigh you and can outrun you anyway this is quickly discovered to be a bad idea altogether.

So eventually, some truly brilliant cave man came up with the idea of asses.

Well, no, not the idea of having an ass. The Creator came up with the original idea for the ass. What I'm saying is, he came up with the idea of using the ass to store stuff. I mean, it was an extrodinarily convenient opening everyone had, and the only difficulty was the necessity of removing said stuff when nature made a particular call. Which wasn't really that great an inconvenience.

Well, eventually there was also the discovery of fire, and a lot of other things. But we were still carrying extra stuff in our asses. That is, until some brilliant caveman sage came up with the idea of a pocket.

Could you believe it, a fake ass in which you could carry stuff! It was a revolutionary idea, and though some resisted it, saying the ass was good enough for their stuff, the noted lack of additional smells attached to stuff in fake asses soon won out.

Even later, after the caveman period, came the astonishing idea of attaching fake asses directly to one's closthig. Of course, previously there had been the idea of attaching fake asses directly to a person, so a person could have as many asses as they wanted, and flaunt them, but this never took hold. But fake asses as part of clothing was such a good idea that it soon permeated the entire textile industry the world over.

And today we still have these fakes asses, all over our clothing. Of course, we call them pockets, which probably comes from some earlier word used for ass before any of us had a concrete language.

So you see, pockets and asses have a lot in common. So when someone says they're pulling something out of their ass, dont' assume they're kidding.

So I leave you with one last bit of advice. DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT store watches in your ass. This is an inherently BAD idea.

If he pulls a watch of out his ass, I don't know what I'm going to do, but I'm going to be doing it for a very long time, and it's going to be spectacular.

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