"True love is a very selfish emotion, though."

"What do you mean? Love is caring for another person, being willing to give of yourself, for them."

"Hardly so altruistic as it seems. We all seek love for our own pleasure. When we love someone, when what we feel for them is true, it makes us feel better about ourselves. It's how love is even possible, because if there was not something in it for us, we wouldnt' be capable of it. Placing the interest of another person over your own is hardly a survival trait."

"Still...lovers put their partner's interest over their own all the time."

"Do they? When a man gives his life for the woman he loves, or vice versa, they're doing it as much for themselves as for their lover. When a man gives up his life, it is not because his love wants to live, it's because he doesn't want her to die. More than that, it allows him or her to take the onus on themself, to make it something they did, so in their heart's they can congratulate themselves on doing what was best for their lover, so that, in their minds, it was they who preserved the love.
"Take unrequited love, for instance. Have you ever loved anyone and they not loved you back?"

"Yes."

"And it made you feel horrible, but why should that be if love is a truly selfless emotion? If your love existed purely for their benefit, why would you suffer, or feel in the least bit bad. After all, you love them, and will do for them whatever they need, if you're being totally selfless about it, there's nothing to feel bad about, to suffer over.
"But that's not the case at all. You suffer, because while you have love for them, without that love being returned, you're not getting everything you need out of it, and the longer it lasts, the worse it gets. Like I said, being completely selfless is contrary to self-preservation, which means it's contrary to species preservation."

"So what you're saying is, love is completely selfish. We only love others so that we can get something from them, specifically, their love. The only reason we give love is so that we can get it, and if we don't get it, then we move on."

"Not quite. Love is a very selfish emotion, but it's not completely selfish. Complete selfishness isn't a very good survival trait either. When it comes right down to it, love is a relationship. A relationship between two or more people. Both people are involved, and therefore both must get something out of it. True love, pure love, the kind that the stories tell about, is never completely selfless, because if it was, it would be meaningless. You can't have true love unless both parties are taken into consideration. When you truly love someone, you do it because that's what you feel, because that's the result of the chemistry between you, or fate, or destiny, or just the chaotic alignment of random elements, but if that love isn't returned, it will eventually die. By the same token, if you love someone completely selflessly, with no interest in any benefit for yourself, you will eventually lose yourself, and the love as well, because it will have nothing to sustain it. Love can only exist when there is benefit to it for both parties. That doesn't necessarily mean it has to be returned, but for it to continue to exist, you must be getting something you need out of it."

"Wait, wait, I t hink I understand, but I'm not getting that last part. If the love is not returned, what could you possibly be getting out of it?"

"Sex, closeness, companionship. After all, just because someone doesn't love you doesn't mean they won't decide to be with you. That's all dating is, the search for the perfect match, and just because I don't love you today doesn't mean I won't tomorrow. And it doesn't mean I can't enjoy myself until the person I do love comes along.
"Or it could something else altogether. Some people like the idea of love so much that they can be in love with someone, and that be enough for them, just the fact that they get to be in love, to act it out, to live their fantasies, even if it's not returned is often more than sufficient for a number of people. What do you think your average crush is? Just a watered down version of love for someone who needs to have their idea of love in their life at that time."

".....so are you trying to say you don't love me?"

"What? No, no, I was just.... Are you laughing at me? Why you little...."

recent...
2001-10-15 - You don't love me anymore.
2001-10-15 - Computer update.
2001-10-13 - AOL and stupidity.
2001-10-13 - A little off.
2001-10-10 - Tech Support is not my field.