International Immobility Day

After waking up, using the bathroom, showering, and all that sort of thing, you don't move for the rest of the day. I mean, you can still twitch and stuff like that, but you basically pick a place, and don't leave it for the rest of the day. Some people would pick their beds, others sitting in front of their computer (or if you're like me, in your bed, in front of your computer, with your keyboard on your lap so the only movement you have to make is turning your head). We suggest you don't drink a Big Gulp before you get to your place, cause going to the bathroom is untradtional on International Immobility Day (it should be international. I know other countries want to have cool holidays).

National Existential Ennui Awareness Day

This is the day where it's traditional to look at your life and see that you're in a rut and going nowhere, and basically your entire life sucks, and you should probably kill yourself. But wait killing yourself is a sin! So what do we do on Nation Existential Ennui Awareness Day? Well, some of us go see psychiatrists, but the rest of us go out and have all sorts of fun, getting drunk, partying, going to amusement parts, stripping, and whatever else makes us feel better and forget that our lives suck horribly and entropy is slowly pulling us down into bitter old age and resentment. It's a happy day!

National Slacker Day

I think this is self explanatory. Slackers need to be revered, worshipped even. You may feel free to worship me, but don't expect me to answer any prayers. That sort of contradicts the whole slacker thing.

Flaming Ass Day

Another Fiesta day, where we can have floats of large, flaming asses flying over our towns. And I do mean actual flaming, we make ass floats, then set them afire, and fly them over the town, and anyone whom the ashes fall on gets to make a wish. We can make it fun for the kiddies.

Proximity Mine Free Day

This is a holiday that truly becomes necessary if we start to use prox mines more often. There should be at least one day a year when you don't have to worry about the sidewalk blowing up when you walk past it. And that tree that's killed five people already that you used to love to climb when you were a child? Well, I suggest you climb it one last time today, cause that's what this holiday is for! Reliving old memories.

National Apathy Day

The day where we can all just not care. Nothing bad can happen on apathy day, cause no one cares enough to do anything. Sure, your girlfriend may bitch about you leave your dirty underwear all over the house, and may be planning to break up with you, but she won't break up with you on apathy day, cause she doesn't care today! Of course, even if she did break up with you, why should you care? It's apathy day! Ah, yes, the wonders of apathy day, when the stock market crashe and nothing bad happens, because no one cares. Gift giving is not really traditional on apathy day, but no one really cares if you do or not, so you can buy people presents too, if you feel like it.

Sorry folks, I think I'm out. Oh well, maybe I'll have some more tomorrow.

recent...
2000-11-18 - Holidays that really should exist.
2000-11-16 - Still here.
2000-11-16 - People Search
2000-11-16 - Ping, timeout.
2000-11-14 - Man I just go off sometimes.