As the result of pure, unadulterated boredom (cause I don't cut my boredom with PCP or anything like that), I bring to you, once again, the Adventures of Slacker, the World's Laziest Super...ummm, we'll get back to you on that one.

The Hijacking

The scene is set in an airplane, because terrorists are really good at hijacking them. Don't believe me? More planes are hijacked each year than planes crash each year. Anyway, this is well into Slacker's career so he's pretty well know to be Super, although no one's really sure what his agenda is. Slacker, in his secret identity of some guy on a plane is riding on the plane when a group of hijacker's take over the plane with speed, skill and efficiency.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH," screams a random woman from first class.

"Stop and...yeah."

"What?" says the terrorist leader, "who do you think you are?"

"It's Slacker!" say the amazed people on the plane.

Note: One of Slacker's special powers is to give people in his vicinity the ability to speak in text styles, so she actually says Slacker and not Slacker.

"Um...," says Slacker, "give yourselves up, or I'll be forced to get out of my seat."

"I don't think so, Slacker. If you make one false move, I'll kill this woman!" the lead hijacker says, grabbing the nearest convenient woman, who screams her head off.

"....so?" says Slacker.

"So, if you move I'll kill her!"

Slacker shrugs. "I'm not quite seeing how that's supposed to affect me here. You're gonna have to go into a little more detail."

"You can't just risk her life. I know you superhero types. Each of my men has a hostage, and if you move they all die."

"Right," says Slacker nodding, "they all die, then I beat the crap out of you, then the pilots land the plane and we only have, what eight? dead people. So, explain to me again the point of this exercise?"

"But...but we'll kill them!"

"Right. All eight of them. I think what you're forgetting is I'm not a police officer. I don't really give a damn about these people. You're just interrupting my nap, and my flight to visit some old friends. I don't want to go to cuba, I don't know anybody in cuba, I want the plane to go where it was going, so I don't care how many people you kill as long as I end up in New Orleans. So why don't you kill your eight people, I'll use my powers of laziness to defeat you, and then I can get back to my nap."

"Um...can't you fly?" says a man sitting a few rows away.

"Well, yeah," says Slacker, "but have you ever tried to fly under your own power? I mean, talk about tiring. Why do you think Superman was so cut? It was all that flying around everywhere."

"Then I'll kill you Slacker!" and the hijacker runs at slacker.

Throw in a few action scenes of the hijacker's being stupid enough to drop their hostages and run and try to kill Slacker, getting within his field of instant sleep and passing out. End of episode.

If you have any questions, stifle them.

recent...
2001-01-12 - A new adventure of Slacker.
2001-01-12 - Damnit I hate when sucking becomes cool.
2001-01-12 - Ummmmm....I don't really know.
2001-01-11 - Oh yeah? Interpret this!
2001-01-11 - A few questions.