When I run out of options, when my backs to the wall and there's nothing else for me to do, I always have the energy and the will to do whatever needs to be done.
The will, of course, is no problem. There is no limit to my will. If everything in my life were purely dependent on the force of my will, my life would be the perfection and the tragedy I long for. Energy is another matter.
Somehow, when I'm left with only one option, I get it done. Somehow, the very possibility of failure is beyond me. I'm tired all the time, but when it's the only option, the most strenuous effort doesn't seem to tire me at all.
It all makes me think I may have some special ability to store energy and the use it all at once at a later time.
Of course, more probably, it's just that my will is such that the idea of Mind over Matter is highly valid for me (despite my utter lack of cards in hand...or Blue Mana for that matter) (what random entry about my own personal enlightenment would be complete without a Magic reference?).
Which ever, I was able to learn two very important things from this foolishness.
First, I've yet to hit bottom. Had I done so, I'd probably stop falling. No way to tell if this is a good thing or a bad thing. Sometimes you have to smack the dirt before anyone will reach out their metaphysical hand to pick you up.
Second, I will never die, I will never fail, I will never lose. I can't seem to even make myself. Again, no way to tell if this is good or bad. Perhaps that explains why I will never live, I will never succeed and I will never win.
Maybe someday I'll figure out why I was chosen to be me...oh, wait, no, I already know that one. Oh well.
recent...
2002-03-25 - Lessons shot.
2002-03-25 - a single line
2002-03-25 - A brief trip.
2002-03-24 - Beautiful green eyes.
2002-03-22 - Miracle bread.
Step Back ---/// Take a Step ///--- End of the Path